9 Truths and A Lie

{From Bekah} 

Ready for a riddle?

Yeah, well, I am, too, but they are hard to write, so you don't get one.

Instead, what I will do is give you an opportunity to read a bunch of nonsense I just mashed out, because I think it's time that we get to know each other better. 

Nine of the 10 following declarations are completely legit things about my life. One is complete malarkey.

1) I kissed President Georgie Bush and then voted Democratic in the next election.

Hey, there!

2) I grew up in a four-story brick school complete with a gym, baseball diamond, and play ground with a curlicue slide. My father never really followed up on safety standards, so it's a miracle I'm still alive and living without tetanus. 

My curl went flat...

3) My grandparents owned a Siamese cat named "Gook," and I thought it was the funniest thing in the world, until I realized that it wasn't.

We are Siamese, if you don't please!

4) One time, on assignment as a journalist, a buffalo named Norman wouldn't let me get out of my car.

I'm Norman. What's your name??

5) I don't like shrimp. And I've been told that everybody likes shrimp.

I'll give you a hint. This is a truth. I hate shrimp. And crawfish. And most anything else that belongs in the sea.

6) French men once mistook me and my friends for Parisian hookers.

Paint me like one of your French whores! (Seriously, that's hilarious if you are both into art AND the movie The Titanic.) 

7) My first pet owner experience as an adult was a rottweiler puppy who was diagnosed with dwarfism and mental retardation as a result of a medical mistake. She never grew bigger than a puppy, ended up going blind, and would chase squirrels by scent into trees.

My dog developed cat-aracts. Hee hee. I know. That was baaaaad.

8) An entire group of nuns grew angered by an article I wrote about an immigration protest and organized a hate mail "letter to the editor" campaign against me.

Obviously, this is exactly how it went down when Nunzilla decided to ruin me...

9) My husband proposed to me after the episode of Battlestar Galactica where you find out that Sharon is actually a Cylon and that she's being mind-controlled to create a plan to assassinate the admiral. Ooops. Guess I should've said, "spoiler alert."

Not quite as bad as him proposing on Twitter, but... still... sheeeeeeeeeeeeesh

10) One time, in the jail yard, my shirt buttons popped, and I flashed an entire compound of sex offenders.

A photo taken at the time of the incident...

Whichever statement is guessed most as being the incorrect statement will have its own follow-up blog post in the next week. And let me tell you, a lot of these deserve their own post.

{P.S. For those of you playing at home, if you do happen to know which one is fake, please do not spoil the surprise. Just guess which one of the remainder seems most like complete bull shit.}