Ah, skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet... NOOOO!!!!!!!!

The Urban Dicitionary is a lascivious labyrinth of horrible, horrible, horrible things. Unfortunately for the world at large, my husband's mind seems to be synced perfectly with this odious opus of nasty words.

Now, to understand this following story, you must first understand that, despite my newly acquired status as a middle-aged married white woman (for the record, I've always been white, but I've only recently reached my 30s), I know a thing or two about hip hop.

No. Literally. It is only a thing. Or two. No more than that.

One of the two things I know is the part of the Lil' Jon's song where he croons, "Ah, skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet, gosh darn, gosh darn. Ah, skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet, mother fluffer."

Mind you, this is what I hear when I listen to the song. Other people claim to hear explicit words. If only the boy would enunciate (and use proper dental hygiene), we wouldn't have to be having the debate as to what, exactly, it is he's saying.

Now, in my mind, "skeet" sounds like "scoot", as in, "hustle away from here, enemy of mine; this is your only warning."

So, when my kitten, Khaleesi, pierced my big toe, I responded by waving my hands in a "get thee behind me, Satan," motion and hollered, "Skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet, mother fluffer!"

Chris looked at me with horror.

"Please," he entreated. "Never say that to our cat. Or to anybody, actually."

I inquired why. Telling a feline who just violated my toe to get on her merry way seemed like a perfectly normal reaction.

"Um," my husband said, looking properly ashamed of himself, "do you know what 'skeet' means?"

"I'm not an idiot," I declared. "It means 'scoot.' As in 'get gone!'"

Chris pulled up the Urban Dictionary and read me the definition of the word "skeet."

Now, my mother reads this thing, so I am not going to tell you what that entry said. It's too horrifying for words. If you want to look it up, as the talking Disney candlestick says, "Be my guest." But let's just suffice it to say that skeet means that when a man really loves a woman, he loves her to the end. With the end resulting in... skeet. 

And I was threatening to do that ON MY BABY GIRL KITTEN!

So, let's recap:
1) The Internet is a place frothing with perversion.
2) My husband contributes to this filth by KNOWING WHAT IT MEANS! (He claims he learned it as part of his liberal arts education in undergrad, but I know his GPA, and I doubt he learned a damn thing while there, so this excuse convinces me not one iota.)
3) I inadvertently threatened to ... do bad things ... all over my kitten. I feel like the worst kitty mommy ever.

Now, for the pictures:

This is Lil' Jon. Doesn't he just look like a deviant?

Now, this is my sweet baby kitty cuddling with her Poppa. Does she look like she deserves THAT to happen to her?